My Morning Routine
7.30am I vaguely become aware that the radio is on. Grooh, late for work.
Roll out of bed and stagger to the loo. I can do the whole ‘going to the loo’ bit without ever opening my eyes… I roll over the edge of the bed and stand up so that the bed is to my left, then walk forwards along the side of the bed with left arm outstretched until I feel the bedpost. This I swing around until I hit the bed again, then walk forwards to the door and grope for the handle. Open the door and slide my left arm along the wall until I find the door frame to the bathroom. Swing around the door frame and into the bathroom. Shuffle forwards 3 paces, turn around, sit down. Right hand out finds the loo roll. Stand up. Then do everything in reverse back into my bedroom again. Pyjamas off and fling them in the direction of the bed.
Only then do I need to open my eyes in order to hunt for some knickers.
Grope through pile of clothes on chair to find something wearable. Top and bottom will hopefully match. If they don’t I will go to work looking very odd, as my new policy is to wear all my slightly worn clothes before I pull anything fresh out of my wardrobe, due to my ‘slightly worn’ pile reaching Everest-like heights.
Stagger back to bathroom and clean teeth.
Stagger to kitchen and pull lunch out of fridge. Usually this ends up being just a pot of houmous and a yoghurt, as my planned ‘preparing a healthy lunch the night before’ routine has never yet actually got off the ground.
Pick up handbag and shoes on way back through sitting room. Slide feet into shoes and pick up coat from floor.
Stagger out to car.
Drive to work. Initially I drive at 60 mph as I am trying to become less of a speed-freak, but within 30 seconds I am doing 90 mph as I should have been at work by now and everyone else is just driving so dang slow!
Turning off the motorway I lick my finger and rub last night’s mascara from underneath my eyes.
Arrive at work and try to tiptoe upstairs without anyone spotting me. Phew – my boss isn’t in yet!
Switch computer on, spread papers across my desk, and attempt to look as though I’ve been sat there, hard at work, for simply hours.
Notice, in the mirror on my desk, that I have merely smeared last night’s mascara further round my face, it hasn’t actually disappeared… so wet my finger again and have another rub. My hair is doing a pretty good impression of an electrocuted brillo pad, so pull a comb out of my desk drawer and drag it through my hair.
My boss arrives. “Good morning!” she calls, merrily.
Sigh and stretch as though I’ve been working forever and need a break, and wander off in search of coffee and breakfast.
Whole routine from waking up to sitting at desk – 40 minutes! Not bad!
Roll out of bed and stagger to the loo. I can do the whole ‘going to the loo’ bit without ever opening my eyes… I roll over the edge of the bed and stand up so that the bed is to my left, then walk forwards along the side of the bed with left arm outstretched until I feel the bedpost. This I swing around until I hit the bed again, then walk forwards to the door and grope for the handle. Open the door and slide my left arm along the wall until I find the door frame to the bathroom. Swing around the door frame and into the bathroom. Shuffle forwards 3 paces, turn around, sit down. Right hand out finds the loo roll. Stand up. Then do everything in reverse back into my bedroom again. Pyjamas off and fling them in the direction of the bed.
Only then do I need to open my eyes in order to hunt for some knickers.
Grope through pile of clothes on chair to find something wearable. Top and bottom will hopefully match. If they don’t I will go to work looking very odd, as my new policy is to wear all my slightly worn clothes before I pull anything fresh out of my wardrobe, due to my ‘slightly worn’ pile reaching Everest-like heights.
Stagger back to bathroom and clean teeth.
Stagger to kitchen and pull lunch out of fridge. Usually this ends up being just a pot of houmous and a yoghurt, as my planned ‘preparing a healthy lunch the night before’ routine has never yet actually got off the ground.
Pick up handbag and shoes on way back through sitting room. Slide feet into shoes and pick up coat from floor.
Stagger out to car.
Drive to work. Initially I drive at 60 mph as I am trying to become less of a speed-freak, but within 30 seconds I am doing 90 mph as I should have been at work by now and everyone else is just driving so dang slow!
Turning off the motorway I lick my finger and rub last night’s mascara from underneath my eyes.
Arrive at work and try to tiptoe upstairs without anyone spotting me. Phew – my boss isn’t in yet!
Switch computer on, spread papers across my desk, and attempt to look as though I’ve been sat there, hard at work, for simply hours.
Notice, in the mirror on my desk, that I have merely smeared last night’s mascara further round my face, it hasn’t actually disappeared… so wet my finger again and have another rub. My hair is doing a pretty good impression of an electrocuted brillo pad, so pull a comb out of my desk drawer and drag it through my hair.
My boss arrives. “Good morning!” she calls, merrily.
Sigh and stretch as though I’ve been working forever and need a break, and wander off in search of coffee and breakfast.
Whole routine from waking up to sitting at desk – 40 minutes! Not bad!
* * * * *
Evening: I just put my dressing gown on and it smells of Charles - made my heart go all twangy!
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