The Freedom of Being 'Proper'

I'm finding a nice feeling of security now that I am officially 'a proper girlfriend'. In terms of how often we see each other, and what we do together, I think things will carry on pretty much as before, as Charles is very much a creature of habit and routine - Tuesday night is for this, Wednesday night is for that, 3pm is for this, 11pm is for that, and not earthquake nor tsunami will move him! Therefore a label shouldn't really make a whole lot of difference... but I am finding that actually it does. All our enjoyable moments last year were afflicted, for me, with a slight sense of sadness that maybe this might be the last time we were together, or maybe there were other women around that he might be seeing too (I totally closed my mind to that one - ooh horrible thought, far too painful, I'd rather sit naked in nettles eating dog poo!). That said, Charles really isn't the sleep-around type, but with a 'casual' status that worry always has to be in the back of your mind, however teeny-tiny it is (that's a teeny-tiny worry, not a teeny-tiny mind please!). The only time I felt totally relaxed was on holiday in Spain last August, a glorious, sun-filled, happy week when I knew I had his company for a specified amount of time and could just enjoy it.

But now I can refer to Charles as "my boyfriend" rather than, awkwardly, "my - um - friend - kind of - you know". Now we can plan things to do in advance without my suggestions being met with a glazed look of panic at the thought of the horrifying committment that arranging next Saturday entails. Now I don't feel the need to grab every possible moment of his company with both sweaty, gripping hands, but instead feel totally fine about saying, "Actually I think I'll clear out my airing cupboard tonight, you go ahead without me."

It's given me a new sense of freedom and I like it!