I’m so tired today, I can barely stay awake – my back ache woke me up at 4.00am and I had to get out of bed to ease it, so I was in work at 6.15 – grooh! Raj is coming round this evening to help me shift furniture into the garage (I’m trying to turn my flat into a show home before I put it on the market). I hope he doesn’t mind if I fall asleep and let him drag furniture by himself!
In the middle of getting dressed this morning, I was standing there wearing just my pants and a stripey T-shirt. Charles came over and patted my tummy.
“Aww, it’s all round and cute!” he said. “You look like a bumble bee!”
Charming!
Standing at the coffee machine Pete remarked to me, “You look very radiant today!”
“Why, thank you!” I said, feeling rather pleased.
“Yes, have you got that Saint Tropez tan stuff on?”
No I blinking well haven’t! In order to quickly disassociate myself from all Essex Girl connotations, I explained that I had been quite tanned since coming back from Spain.
“Nah, that’s that Saint Tropez stuff,” he insisted. “You look all orangey.”
Speechless, I removed one of my sandals and showed him the white, untanned strap lines on my foot.
“Oh,” he said, disappointed.
I love animals, especially dogs and cats, and I think a home isn’t homely without a cat on your lap and a dog lying contentedly in front of the fire. However, Charles didn't grow up with animals as I did, and he isn’t keen on pets. He thinks they’re unhygienic when they lick their bums, and scary when they show their teeth – or even just when they look at him. But he kindly said I could have a cloth cat as a pet! Hmm, maybe I should put up giant posters of cats on every wall, showing their wide, staring eyes and their 6 inch long, glinting teeth in glorious close-up, and then a real one would seem so teeny-weeny and fluffy and cuddly by comparison that he will be begging me to swap!
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From the Favela Chic Tango MySpace page:
“This new and exciting social club night aims to bring, diffuse and expand the music and friendly dancefloor mentality of tango to a wider London crowd.”… friendly dancefloor mentality… ha ha ha hahaha ha haaa!
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I have just found someone who has 261 Facebook friends. How can he possibly have met that many people in his entire life?!
I met up with Rachel at Petworth House this afternoon. The drive down was good, it only took an hour, but I was so tired. I’ve had backache every night recently and it makes for very unrestful nights.
I had a fab time with Rachel though – lots of chatting, two lots of tea and cake, a good shopping spree in the National Trust shop – and a quick sprint around the rooms of the house as we had spent too long doing the other things and it was almost closing time. Our cars were, funnily enough, parked right beside each other, so we carried on chatting in the car park. Yak yak yak. Eventually we had to be asked to leave because we had been gassing for so long that they were waiting to lock the gates!
In the shop I had bought Charles a posh mug with ‘His Lordship’ written across it. He likes to refer to himself as Lord Charles of
Charles gave me a present of some little butterfly pins for my cork noticeboard. They are so cute! He does give good presents.
I’ve just had hopi ear candling done on my ears. Incredibly relaxing, but a little weird! Basically the therapist sticks a candle in your ear and lights it, and you lie there for 10 minutes while it burns down, at which point she takes the candle stub out and turns you over to do the other ear. It is supposed to massage your ear drum and relax you - worked for me.
Now I have very hot ears (come and warm your hands in front of my orifices, my dear!).
I have a new obsession – Facebook! My brother has a MySpace page and it’s kind of like that but oh so much better. MySpace seems messier somehow and a bit pointless, it made me want to run away. But not Facebook – I have to go into it about a hundred times a day and fiddle with it and see what my friends have been up to. It’s fun!
When I first joined Facebook a couple of weeks ago my only friendship link was Charles. Every time I logged on I read the comment 'You have 1 friend' - that sounded so pitiful! Ditto when it said 'You have just two entries on your wall' (which is the space where people write you messages). Does it really have to use the word just?! Basically Facebook thinks I’m a pathetic Norma No-Mates!
But as of today I am up to 11 whole friends! (This sounded not too bad until I went into some of those friends and saw numbers like 43 and 56 – blimey, I don't think I even know 56 people!)
I read in a magazine that if you eat two eggs for breakfast it fills you up all day and then you don’t eat any crap. Worth a try! I duly hardboiled two eggs as I got ready for work this morning and stuffed them into my bag to take to work along with my lunch. Result? Hey, it works! My morning eggs with a carrot and orange smoothie kept me filled up right until lunchtime… and then I couldn’t even eat all my lunch! Woo hoo! Easy diet!
Then along came this evening. I was an hour late leaving work, due to a crappy meeting, then stopped off at the garage to pump some air into my car tyres. So by the time I’d done all that it was way past my normal tea time and I was pretty damn hungry. Hmm, I thought - I know, I’ll pop into Tesco and get some ice cream to take home for my tea.
Silly me! Why oh why do I never learn that I mustn’t – under any circumstances – go into a supermarket when I am hungry?
I came out with…
3 packs of daal
6 chapatis
Pack of Cadburys cake bars
A bag of 13 chewy cookies
Salmon and cream cheese sandwich filling (even though I never make sandwiches)
6 eggs
A pack of roasted root vegetables
A tin of spaghetti
Brie cheese
Mashed potato
2 tubs of ice cream
8 chocolate brownies
A sushi box
A tube of Pringles (and I don’t even like crisps!)
Grooh! Going to be offloading a whole heap of crap food to everyone at work tomorrow!
Charles emailed me to tell me he’d done a good poo! How nice, I’m so pleased he shared that!!!
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On the television at the moment there are a couple of army recruitment adverts doing the rounds - 'adventure mechanic' for the boys and 'saviour nurse' for the girls. I saw one today and it was the biggest load of army propaganda bollocks ever! A woman (to emphasise the feminine, caring aspect of course!) dressed in camouflage trousers is doing something with a group of sweet-looking, well-behaved children (no young yobs swearing and chucking rocks at her here!) when a hysterical mother carries her injured and bleeding child into scene. Capable and caring army woman instantly drops everything and runs to rescue the little boy, concerned look writ across her face. Then the army recruitment line flashes across the television screen saying hey this is what the army is all about.
Yeah, right - because caring people go into a job where you learn how to shoot people dead, to bomb them, to gas them, to blow them up with tanks and with landmines, to knife them and hurl grenades at them, to murder and maim (and where you unofficially learn how to beat them up, torture them and rape their women)… where the actual purpose of your job is to kill people! That’s soooo much more caring and humanitarian than, say, being a doctor or a teacher or a community worker!
